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    ld pursue or hobbies she could try. Mike felt he was trying to help.

    He was worried she was unhappy. Sarah didn't see concern, only control. She felt manipulated and powerless.

    It's easy to see the pattern. The more Mike tried to control the situa

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    A dynamic that prevents real connection in a relationship is when a couple engage in controlled/controlling behaviour. This is when one person tries to control the other, and the other allows themselves to be controlled.

    Sarah and Mike are an example of this. Mike works long hours in a professional career which he enjoys. Sarah had a satisfying career in retail, which she gave up when children came along.

    Mike got more and more involved in his career, whilst Sarah felt more and more disillusioned with being a full time mother.

    Mike liked order and routine in his life. He believed they had an agreement. The house and children were Sarah's responsibility.

    Mike paid Sarah a housekeeping amount each week and he maintained the rest of the finances. When Sarah talked about going back to work, he believed she was going back on what they had agreed.

    Sarah stopped talking about it.

    Sarah resented what she perceived as Mike's freedom. Sarah resisted any suggestions from Mike about interests she could pursue or hobbies she could try. Mike felt he was trying to help.

    He was worried she was unhappy. Sarah didn't see concern, only control. She felt manipulated and powerless.

    It's easy to see the pattern. The more Mike tried to control the situat

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    this. Mike works long hours in a professional career which he enjoys. Sarah had a satisfying career in retail, which she gave up when children came along.

    Mike got more and more involved in his career, whilst Sarah felt more and more disillusioned with being a full time mother.

    Mike liked order and routine in his life. He believed they had an agreement. The house and children were Sarah's responsibility.

    Mike paid Sarah a housekeeping amount each week and he maintained the rest of the finances. When Sarah talked about going back to work, he believed she was going back on what they had agreed.

    Sarah stopped talking about it.

    Sarah resented what she perceived as Mike's freedom. Sarah resisted any suggestions from Mike about interests she could pursue or hobbies she could try. Mike felt he was trying to help.

    He was worried she was unhappy. Sarah didn't see concern, only control. She felt manipulated and powerless.

    It's easy to see the pattern. The more Mike tried to control the situa

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    being a full time mother.

    Mike liked order and routine in his life. He believed they had an agreement. The house and children were Sarah's responsibility.

    Mike paid Sarah a housekeeping amount each week and he maintained the rest of the finances. When Sarah talked about going back to work, he believed she was going back on what they had agreed.

    Sarah stopped talking about it.

    Sarah resented what she perceived as Mike's freedom. Sarah resisted any suggestions from Mike about interests she could pursue or hobbies she could try. Mike felt he was trying to help.

    He was worried she was unhappy. Sarah didn't see concern, only control. She felt manipulated and powerless.

    It's easy to see the pattern. The more Mike tried to control the situa

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    hen Sarah talked about going back to work, he believed she was going back on what they had agreed.

    Sarah stopped talking about it.

    Sarah resented what she perceived as Mike's freedom. Sarah resisted any suggestions from Mike about interests she could pursue or hobbies she could try. Mike felt he was trying to help.

    He was worried she was unhappy. Sarah didn't see concern, only control. She felt manipulated and powerless.

    It's easy to see the pattern. The more Mike tried to control the situa

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    ld pursue or hobbies she could try. Mike felt he was trying to help.

    He was worried she was unhappy. Sarah didn't see concern, only control. She felt manipulated and powerless.

    It's easy to see the pattern. The more Mike tried to control the situation, the more Sarah rebelled, forcing him to try and control even more. Underneath control is fear - fear of being out of control.

    But people aren't controllable, no one has control over how another will react. It doesn't work. The more Sarah rebels, the more controlling he becomes.

    Finally, after years of arguing and Sarah feeling unfulfilled, Sarah said she wasn't sure if the relationship was what she wanted any more.

    The controlled/controlling relationship relies on both parties to opt in - in order for Mike to control Sarah, she has to relent to being controlled. For many couples, this may not be a conscious action. It develops over a period of time.

    Do you think there could be a imbalance problem of this type in your relationship? It's important to see relationships as constantly evolving. Things do change, and what may suit at some stage may not be appropriate down the track.

    If either Mike or Sarah choose not to control/be controlled any more, the relationship has to develop in new ways

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