ied, or jealous or drunk… and somehow you managed to make the situation worse and tip the scales… That's how denial starts.

So denial isn't a river in Egypt. It's actually a snowball hurtling down a steep slope, becoming ever bigger and gathering momentum as it goe

Original it ain't, but it still merits repetition: "Denial is not a river in Egypt". What it is, is a highly addictive behaviour.

It starts insignificantly enough; an incident occurs which you would have rather hadn't happened; words are spoken that are cruel and contemptuous, words you would not have wished to hear; a behaviour appears that you weren't expecting, which is hurtful and dismissive… Suddenly you're to blame, though you probably aren't too sure what for.

Then it's gone again. Things revert to 'normality', the 'blip' is explained away, or simply not mentioned again. There may be an apology - but equally there may not - you may be told that you're making too much of something meaningless, or maybe although it 'won't happen again' (his undertaking), you somehow provoked it (your fault).

And you look at this man in whom you've already invested so much emotion (and self-worth) and you really want to believe him. You probably need to believe him. So you find an explanation, or justification, for what happened: he was tired, or stressed, or worried, or jealous or drunk… and somehow you managed to make the situation worse and tip the scales… That's how denial starts.

So denial isn't a river in Egypt. It's actually a snowball hurtling down a steep slope, becoming ever bigger and gathering momentum as it goe

ontemptuous, words you would not have wished to hear; a behaviour appears that you weren't expecting, which is hurtful and dismissive… Suddenly you're to blame, though you probably aren't too sure what for.

Then it's gone again. Things revert to 'normality', the 'blip' is explained away, or simply not mentioned again. There may be an apology - but equally there may not - you may be told that you're making too much of something meaningless, or maybe although it 'won't happen again' (his undertaking), you somehow provoked it (your fault).

And you look at this man in whom you've already invested so much emotion (and self-worth) and you really want to believe him. You probably need to believe him. So you find an explanation, or justification, for what happened: he was tired, or stressed, or worried, or jealous or drunk… and somehow you managed to make the situation worse and tip the scales… That's how denial starts.

So denial isn't a river in Egypt. It's actually a snowball hurtling down a steep slope, becoming ever bigger and gathering momentum as it goe

lip' is explained away, or simply not mentioned again. There may be an apology - but equally there may not - you may be told that you're making too much of something meaningless, or maybe although it 'won't happen again' (his undertaking), you somehow provoked it (your fault).

And you look at this man in whom you've already invested so much emotion (and self-worth) and you really want to believe him. You probably need to believe him. So you find an explanation, or justification, for what happened: he was tired, or stressed, or worried, or jealous or drunk… and somehow you managed to make the situation worse and tip the scales… That's how denial starts.

So denial isn't a river in Egypt. It's actually a snowball hurtling down a steep slope, becoming ever bigger and gathering momentum as it goe

ult).

And you look at this man in whom you've already invested so much emotion (and self-worth) and you really want to believe him. You probably need to believe him. So you find an explanation, or justification, for what happened: he was tired, or stressed, or worried, or jealous or drunk… and somehow you managed to make the situation worse and tip the scales… That's how denial starts.

So denial isn't a river in Egypt. It's actually a snowball hurtling down a steep slope, becoming ever bigger and gathering momentum as it goe

ied, or jealous or drunk… and somehow you managed to make the situation worse and tip the scales… That's how denial starts.

So denial isn't a river in Egypt. It's actually a snowball hurtling down a steep slope, becoming ever bigger and gathering momentum as it goes. Once you've started explaining his bad behaviours away, you just keep on doing it, way beyond the dictates of common sense and self-respect. Having put him on a pedestal, you're left in the mud and slime beneath his plinth; and that is where you stay, way, way too long.

For the longest time – because whether it is months, years or decades it's always much too long – it's your being mired in manure that keeps him smelling of roses.

If only women adhered to the "Three Strikes And You're Out" law – and by strikes I mean verbal assault as well as physical assault – but we don't. The statistic is that, on average, women will endure some ten times that number of 'strikes' before they finally get out. Once denial is established, fear sets in; a fear that eats away at a person.

This week I received an email from a woman, which began with the brave words: "I love this man and I know that he loves me." It went on to say: "He puts me down and makes me feel like I am less than a dog on the street."

Maybe, just maybe, he does love her some of the time in hi