es in the most effective form, and in the quickest possible time. Efforts are then made to catch the attention of someone special, primarily to make a connection, nothing more. In fact, if we still have some unresolved problems with a parent, this is the time we may unconsciously choose someone who is similar to, or the opposite of, him or her. We may even find a partner attractive becauseThe first obvious stage in any relationship is selection, the beginning of the honeymoon phase. This is also the most important because without the expectation and actual success in selecting the right partner, nothing else will happen: no dialogue, no love, no marriage, no sex, no continuation of the species! This is the time when expectation is high on one hand but carefully muted to some degree, often deliberately suppressed to prevent any personal disappointment.

Selection involves a hunt of some duration, ending with the catch or prize – the potential partner. The only goal at this stage is to attract someone to whom the person is appealing in return. Everything hinges on this ultimate objective and, to prevent any disaster, there is a high level of teasing, pretending and game playing. The guy might pretend he is merely seeking a ‘friend’, no commitment, of course, while the girl might pretend he is no one special, perhaps playing ‘hard to get’ in the process. Thus, reading the signals becomes crucial at this time in case we overreact, but they are often missed through inexperience, fear of not making an impression, offending the other, or through too much excitement and bravado. Sometimes they are also misinterpreted through a difference in culture, age or gender perception or the wish to appear ‘nice’ and accommodating

The emphasis here is on getting someone healthy, worthy, almost a mirror image of the hunter in culture, race and values. Someone almost flawless in every respect in order to continue the species in the most effective form, and in the quickest possible time. Efforts are then made to catch the attention of someone special, primarily to make a connection, nothing more. In fact, if we still have some unresolved problems with a parent, this is the time we may unconsciously choose someone who is similar to, or the opposite of, him or her. We may even find a partner attractive because

to some degree, often deliberately suppressed to prevent any personal disappointment.

Selection involves a hunt of some duration, ending with the catch or prize – the potential partner. The only goal at this stage is to attract someone to whom the person is appealing in return. Everything hinges on this ultimate objective and, to prevent any disaster, there is a high level of teasing, pretending and game playing. The guy might pretend he is merely seeking a ‘friend’, no commitment, of course, while the girl might pretend he is no one special, perhaps playing ‘hard to get’ in the process. Thus, reading the signals becomes crucial at this time in case we overreact, but they are often missed through inexperience, fear of not making an impression, offending the other, or through too much excitement and bravado. Sometimes they are also misinterpreted through a difference in culture, age or gender perception or the wish to appear ‘nice’ and accommodating

The emphasis here is on getting someone healthy, worthy, almost a mirror image of the hunter in culture, race and values. Someone almost flawless in every respect in order to continue the species in the most effective form, and in the quickest possible time. Efforts are then made to catch the attention of someone special, primarily to make a connection, nothing more. In fact, if we still have some unresolved problems with a parent, this is the time we may unconsciously choose someone who is similar to, or the opposite of, him or her. We may even find a partner attractive because

teasing, pretending and game playing. The guy might pretend he is merely seeking a ‘friend’, no commitment, of course, while the girl might pretend he is no one special, perhaps playing ‘hard to get’ in the process. Thus, reading the signals becomes crucial at this time in case we overreact, but they are often missed through inexperience, fear of not making an impression, offending the other, or through too much excitement and bravado. Sometimes they are also misinterpreted through a difference in culture, age or gender perception or the wish to appear ‘nice’ and accommodating

The emphasis here is on getting someone healthy, worthy, almost a mirror image of the hunter in culture, race and values. Someone almost flawless in every respect in order to continue the species in the most effective form, and in the quickest possible time. Efforts are then made to catch the attention of someone special, primarily to make a connection, nothing more. In fact, if we still have some unresolved problems with a parent, this is the time we may unconsciously choose someone who is similar to, or the opposite of, him or her. We may even find a partner attractive because

her, or through too much excitement and bravado. Sometimes they are also misinterpreted through a difference in culture, age or gender perception or the wish to appear ‘nice’ and accommodating

The emphasis here is on getting someone healthy, worthy, almost a mirror image of the hunter in culture, race and values. Someone almost flawless in every respect in order to continue the species in the most effective form, and in the quickest possible time. Efforts are then made to catch the attention of someone special, primarily to make a connection, nothing more. In fact, if we still have some unresolved problems with a parent, this is the time we may unconsciously choose someone who is similar to, or the opposite of, him or her. We may even find a partner attractive because

es in the most effective form, and in the quickest possible time. Efforts are then made to catch the attention of someone special, primarily to make a connection, nothing more. In fact, if we still have some unresolved problems with a parent, this is the time we may unconsciously choose someone who is similar to, or the opposite of, him or her. We may even find a partner attractive because she has traits we feel we lack or we find unacceptable in ourselves.

Attracting Attention
For example, a woman who is too serious may like a man who is fun-loving and carefree. But, later down the line, too much extroversion, especially at the wrong moments, might jar on the more reserved party. Initially the differences in personality will seem very appealing, but they are more likely to irritate after a while, especially if they are the result of low self-esteem, and will inevitably take their toll on the stronger party.

The selection stage is characterised by an elaborate ritual of drawing attention to one’s self at every opportunity and seeking interest from the other party – often with unrealistic expectations to match. The main aim at this crucial time is to impress others and to stir a positive reaction. Many people go to lengths to find a reciprocal mate, especially with regard to physical attraction. They try to look their best, preening themselves like peacocks, and often in the latest fashions, to emphasise their individuality and style. They try to say the right things at all times and to behave according to the perceived expectations of the intended one – perceptions which are likely to be based upon past experience. That is why many suitors make the mistake of using the expectations of former partners, or general stereotypes, to judge new ones. Bad move, in fact, because everyone likes to be treated individually. Each person’s expectation will also be age-related, culturally referenced, value driven and